Overcoming Shyness In Men

Published: 18th May 2009
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The most difficult emotional barrier for a man isn't always anger or depression. Sometimes, it's SHYNESS.

Shyness is the gateway to a bunch of negative emotions we face all the time - depression and anger are two of them. If does this by impeding our goals and ultimately leading to these emotions coming to fruition.

When a man gives into his shyness, he doesn't talk to the women he likes. He doesn't take a chance on making a new friend. He doesn't do ANYTHING. He just sits by himself, wallowing in self-pity and fear.

And before he knows it, his feelings of loneliness and inadequacy become overwhelming, and he becomes depressed.

All because he is shy.

So why does this happen? Why are some men so prone to give into their shyness?

First, realize that shyness is a behavior that stems from what MIGHT happen.

Let's say you see a girl you like, and want to talk to. But before you can, all sorts of scenarios flash through your mind...

You can see her rejecting you.

You can see her laughing at you.

You can see yourself being upset after saying the wrong thing to her.

As I said - ANY NUMBER of possibilities exist. And even if we're aware of it or not, these possibilities run through our minds when we feel the need to take action regarding a girl.

Shyness is a mental construct that is designed to protect us from bad outcomes. Ironically, it leads to us experiencing worse outcomes at times!.

But the problem is that if we don't risk the bad outcomes, we'll never get any GOOD outcomes either!

The basic nature of shyness lies in the fear of being judged. A shy person doesn't want to be subjected to someone's opinion, generally because:

1. They believe those opinions will always be negative


2. They do not have a strong sense of self esteem, and feel vulnerable.

And it's even worse when dealing with a beautiful girl because there's the element of "sexual validation" at play. If a beautiful girl rejects us, not only is it a harsh judgment, but we must also be UGLY too, right?

And to make matters worse, shyness in men is far more crippling than shyness in women.

A shy woman will still have men approaching and pursuing her. However, because of the dynamics of the dating game, shy men will rarely, if EVER, be pursued by a woman - even if the woman LIKES him and is attracted to him!

Shy guys often fantasize about having a woman come up to them and ask them out. But this is just a way to rationalize their shyness. In their mind, they're hoping to be the one that is pursued because then they don't have to risk anything by being the pursuer.

However, this is never the case. 99% of women wait for the men to come after THEM.

Essentially, you have shy guys isolating themselves from success in love, not only due to their inability to act, but also due to their contentness to continue being shy.

So what's the solution?

The only way to break through shyness is to adopt different behaviors and thought patterns that promote a better outcome.

One must learn to gain confidence in himself, so that he is not vulnerable to the judgment of others for his self esteem.

One must learn to take action when necessary, and seize opportunities as they present themselves.

Learn to see the positive as well as the negative in your day to day life, and work towards maintaining the positive.

This won't be instant, but the time you put into overcoming your shyness is well worth the effort. You'll feel like you have more freedom, and there is the possibility that you've met the woman of your dreams. And that's something to look forward to.

Joseph Matthews has been instructing men how to meet women since 2004, and is widely recognized as an expert in the field of confidence building and dating advice. If you want to learn more about how to meet women, check out his free newsletter.

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